She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
