Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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