party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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