If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
