dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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