dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
God, I missed his penis.
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