I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize