me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
