i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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