I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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