Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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