I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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