Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
