you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
