guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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