remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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