he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
