I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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