The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you win again, gameday.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
