I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
