I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
