Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize