Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
