sarcasm needs its own font
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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