I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
