Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
