Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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