I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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