I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize