i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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