You just made me feel so damn special
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
