is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
