Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
