Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?

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(404): View more from Georgia

to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy

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(650): View more from California

so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.

(1-650): View more from California

did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?

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(530): View more from California

Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.

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(650): View more from California

Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it

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(907): View more from Alaska

We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"

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(254): View more from Texas

Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab

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