6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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