and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
