have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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