well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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