Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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