Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
