god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
