Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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