I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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