well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
