She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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