Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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