i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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