gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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