I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
