look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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