Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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