its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
