I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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