It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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