Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
