I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
