no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
