not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
