I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
