maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
this boner is exhausting
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
