im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
