Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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