You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
