I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
