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Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize