People in love make me want to vomit
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
