I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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