I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
