Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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