I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize