I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
