Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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