The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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