i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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