Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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