I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I just sharted jello shots
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