but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
