She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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