We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
