I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
