I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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