They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
