I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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