i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
