Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize