Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
