I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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