watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize