I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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