I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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