Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
