i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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