She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
