East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
