I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
