You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize