I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
