i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
