Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
