then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
