also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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