i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
