No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
