I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
