I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
