You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My feet surprised me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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