I can text with my tongue
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
