Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
