I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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