you traded sex for a burrito?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
