Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
