goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
