Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize