I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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